Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
