I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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