i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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