The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
