i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just pee around me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
