i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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