I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
