My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
