While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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