I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize