I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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