she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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