Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
