she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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