I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
