Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
