I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
