okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
