i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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