are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
