all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
