I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
