Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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