Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
