I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Damn victory sex feels great
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You don't make any sense
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