My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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