We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
