i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
