Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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