I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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