I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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