you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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