are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
