I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
