Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize