Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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