Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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