That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
