I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
