My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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