Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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