he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
