guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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