we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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