can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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