Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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