i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
