My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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