he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
