Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
