Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
