I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
