I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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