walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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