it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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