So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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