my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
