we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
