I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
