I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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