thus making me awesome and them whores
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
