glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
