I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
