I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
