dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
