who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
