Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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