when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
