he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's shark week go big or go home
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize