we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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