you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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