Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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