one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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