A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
