I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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