This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Did I show you my penis last night?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
