I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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