stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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