So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize