hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
