Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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