Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
