She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize