You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
