1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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