Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
we should paint friendship bongs
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