Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You left your phone here
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