I cannot find my penis.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
