It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it because I queefed?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
