Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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