she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
pray to the hookup gods
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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