Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
