Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
