i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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