meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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