I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
