Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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